The Game Called (re)Life
by SilverSeeds
Summary: The first time he met Eren, was the 82nd time he met Eren. In this world where Levi is the only who remembers their past 81 "lives", how should Levi relate to this boy who doesn't know him? Character death. BL Warning, nothing explicit. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue

It was a "game" that we sometimes played.

When we meet each other again after being reincarnated, we pretend that we are strangers. We pretend that we don't know each other, even though we have thousands of years' worth of memories together.

Neither of us can really remember how, or when, we first met. Probably like how a normal person recalls their childhood, our memories from our early "lives" are a big mush, and we often have trouble telling them apart.

But without a doubt, we will always meet each other in each of our "lives". Because every time we were reincarnated it was like living in a different world, our relationship also changed with each reincarnation. In some "lives" we grew up together, in others I didn't meet him until we both already had grandchildren. In some "lives" we were family, and in most we were lovers.

Well, not that it is a topic that comes up easily, but neither of us have met anyone else who has memories from all their previous "lives", like Eren and I do. That's why, after so many millennia, it has become a "game" for us.

And because of that game, it wasn't until I saw Eren crying that night, that I realised… I was the only one in **this** "life", who remembered our past "lives".


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

Rated T for swearing

* * *

Even in this messed up era where people live under the fear of the Titans, I was never afraid of death. Because I knew that I wouldn't die before meeting Eren.

In our previous "life" we died only one day after meeting each other. Eren was travelling around the Northern Villages, investigating natural resources, when we bumped into each other. This time we didn't play our "game", and he came home with me. In this "life" we were about the same age, in our early 20s. But the next day was the day that, out of nowhere, Titans suddenly appeared. They ran into the village like starved animals and started devouring anyone and everyone. We were shocked. Never in our past 80 "lives" had something so bizarre happened…What the hell are they? Where did they come from? What should we do? We could only run, and run, and run, but…

That's why, I came into this current "life" with the determination to drive these horrible monsters to extinction. I have never died before meeting Eren, so I will use my life up until then to carve the way towards a future for us; for our next "lives".

This messed up world and my messed up determination…when I finally looked back, I was already over thirty and had become quite a messed up person. The fact that I hadn't met Eren yet meant that he was either alive and well somewhere or yet to be born. Either way it was a good sign, even if it meant I spent three decades fighting this lonely battle.

Yet when I finally met him, I was heartbroken. I could tell from one look that he had been though hell…or even a few. I was able to save him, but because so much was happening I couldn't even meet him, let alone talk to him. He was locked in a cell while Erwin and I tried desperately to argue for his life.

A Titan in disguise? **Don't fuck with me!** They don't know the **first thing** about him and they want to **condemn** him?

But it was, without a doubt, true that Eren had some kind of power. Dammit! **DAMMIT ALL! **Eren and I had both experienced all kinds of hardships over the millennia, but to think that such a cruel fate would be forced onto Eren, when we are already in such a messed up era. Either way, first thing was to make sure he doesn't die. Fortunately I am recognised as Humanity's Strongest, so it was easy enough to convince Erwin that I can handle the monster boy.

For Eren's sake, I will continue pretending that I don't know him.

For Eren's sake, I will play our "game", just as we have in the past.


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**

Rated T for swearing

* * *

For Eren's sake, I had to prove my ability to control him, so that the Military Police wouldn't take him. Erwin suggested that if, at the right moment, I beat Eren up and subdued him, then Zackley would grant us rights over Eren's life. So that's exactly what I did. Beating up Eren wasn't nearly as heartbreaking as when I first met him in this "life", because I just treated it as part of our "game".

In our 67th and 49th "lives" I also had to beat him up, once because I was a hired mercenary and the other because our master's daughter fell in love with him.

Aah, I remember that that time when I was a hired mercenary, Eren was the son of a wealthy Duke. Because Eren had received more inheritance than his ill-tempered older brother, I was hired to wipe him out. I was going to escape with him, but when we realised that we were being spied on, I beat him up to gain the brother's trust. I convinced him that it was a better idea to keep Eren alive for the time being, a month after which Eren's brother died in an "accident". That was a good "life"…Eren and I played our "game" that whole "life", and even though we were never officially recognised as a couple, we spent the rest of our lives together.

Now that I think about it, Eren has never beaten me up. Though he did kill me…only once, I think. And another time I died trying to save him, when we were attacked by bandits in our 70th "life", where we were travelling merchants.

Compared to what we had been through in our past "lives", beating Eren up was nothing. I'm sure that being beaten up also wasn't much for Eren to withstand, especially if I consider how much he must already be suffering because of his power. If they're going to call him a monster, then I am also a freak who has memories going back 4000 years. I will definitely save Eren, and take him away from all these bastards who treat him like a villain.

Having said all that, it's not as if I felt no heartache or guilt at beating Eren up. However, the circumstances prevented me from properly apologising to him. If people suspect that we actually knew each other, they might not trust my judgment, or they might even take him away from me. The most I could do was try and ask discreetly and round-aboutly,

"Eren, do you resent me?"

"No, I- I understand why it was necessary."

With this, I was relieved. Eren said exactly the same thing when I had to beat him up on our master's orders before. Though I knew he would understand, I'm still glad that he forgives me.

"That's good."

Now that Eren can finally leave his cell, I'm sure we can eventually find a chance to stop our "game" without beckoning suspicion. I have so much that I want to talk about and ask about…

Finally, I have found Eren in this "life".


	4. Chapter 3

In the month that we spent at the Former Recon Corps HQ, Eren remained distant from me. Perhaps part of the reason was because there was always someone else around, but I couldn't help but feel that Eren was dragging on our "game" for too long.

Does he have any idea how tired of all this I am? But, surely, he is also tired from various things. In many of our previous "lives" we have had very different and extreme circumstances, but in this "life", where Eren possesses this weird power, he must feel more isolated than ever. Until now we have always been able to reach out to each other, but now I feel at such a loss when he won't even give me the chance.

Why won't he let me? He must be under so much pressure. Is he that afraid of the others finding out? Is he worried for my sake?

Even that time in our 33rd "life", when his daughter died from illness, I was there to support him and his wife. Even when he injured his spine in the accident in our 51st "life", I nursed him until we died. Why won't he let me help him like I have before?

I see him in the distance, talking with Gunther, weeding with Petra, cooking with Eld and being bullied by Oluo. I miss him. He's right there, but he won't come here. In this "life", more than any previous one, I yearn for Eren's presence.

.

.

And then it happened.

.

.

Petra…

Oluo…

Eld…

Gunther…

Why did you all die?

You were my strongest, most precious comrades…Why did you die?

Is it because I ordered you to protect Eren? Is it because I didn't do that myself, so you all had to die? I'm sorry...…...**I'm so sorry... ... ...**…... ...


	5. Chapter 4

Eren…please…at least be by my side during a time like this…

I leave my room to look for Eren, but he isn't in his room. I go to the dining hall, but he's not there either. Then I can hear, faintly, the sound of someone crying. I follow the sound and find Eren scrunched in a small ball, sitting on the floor in the corridor, wailing.

"petr…oluo…el….unther…...im sorry…sorry…...sorry _im sorry_…why…_why_ didyou **whydidnt i**…why…...sorry...no...no**NOOOOOOOOOOOO** **WHYYYYYY** **im****_so_**sorry...…..."

.

.

Who is this? This isn't Eren…this isn't the Eren I know. This…...is only a 15 year old boy, not the Eren who has lived 4000 years with me. Who is this?

In our many many past "lives", we have lost many loved ones and comrades, as well as each other, countless times. We have even participated in war. Each time we grieve and despair, but this child in front of me is suffering over the guilt for the lost lives of his comrades who died because of him. No…they died because of me, because I told them to protect Eren when I should have been…but where is Eren? Who should I be protecting? Who did they die protecting?

Who is this?

Who are you?

If you are not the Eren I know, where is he? Who are you?

Why?

Why?

I don't remember any "life" where you didn't have your memories. Why don't you have them? Since when? This whole time? Eren hasn't been here this whole time? It was you? Who are you?

In this moment which felt like eternity, I was struck with fear.

Fear that I wouldn't meet Eren…something that had felt so extremely **natural and obvious **for so very long, is now somewhere beyond my reach. Will I spend the rest of this "life" not meeting Eren? Will I ever meet Eren? I want to meet Eren…more than ever before…please Eren, don't leave me alone in this messed up world…


	6. Chapter 5

"Corporal, I'm very sorry about last night."

"Eren, answer this question honestly."

"…? Yes, Corporal?"

"When did we first meet?"

"…Um…uh well, I believe that we didn't formally 'meet' until that day when I woke up in the dungeon after the Battle of Trost, Sir. However before that I have seen you a number of times, departing for and returning from Recon Missions."

"… … … …Is that all?"

"? Yes Sir…"

"I see."

Who am I kidding? It was obvious after last night that 'Eren' is not the Eren that I know. I am alone. I alone, have all our memories from our past 81 "lives". I wonder if Eren ever went through a "life" where I didn't have my memories. Is this how he felt? I want to see Eren… I want to talk to him… I want to be with him…

"Eeeeeeeren~~~ oh and Levi. Good moooorning!"

"Good morning, Squad Leader Hanji"

"Tch."

"Oh EREN! What adorable swollen eyes you have! Aaargh if only I could get some samples of your tears…"

"Stop making such a fuss so early in the morning Stupid Glasses. Don't go laughing at another's pain either."

"Hmph! Whatever are you talking about, little Levi? I am merely taking profound interest in the physical makeup of Eren who can transform into a Titan! Is it not most intriguing? Are Eren's tears like ours? Are they salty? Or even sweet?! Can he cry while in Titan form? So many poss-"

"Shut the hell up already." _Sigh_…for better or for worse, it always takes up so much energy being around Hanji.

"Hmph you boring old man. So Eren Eren Eren what were they like?"

"Um uh…..my tears? Th-they were salty….though I can't say whether or not they are "normal"…"

"_Sniff…sniff…_"

"Sq-Squad Leader Hanji?!"

"Oh Eren…_sniff_…don't make such a sad face…whether you are _normal_ or not, I will always love you… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …as a Titan. **SO!** No more tears! Salt is a precious mineral so preserve your precious tears when you can, okay?"

"In that case, there is no need for worry. Once we exterminate the Titans, there will be no more shortage of salt!"

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"My childhood friend Armin once showed me a book, which said that in the outside world there are large bodies of salt water called the "ocean". He said that there is so much, the merchants couldn't hope to collect all the salt!"

"Oh really? So once we make peace with Titans and leave these walls, we can get lots and lots of salt from the "ocean"!"

"Uh…yes, once we leave these walls I will definitely go to see the ocean with Armin and everyone else!"

"Eren…"

"Oh Levi, you were still here? Old man has no presence."

"Eren, do you really want to see the ocean that much?"

You _have_ seen the ocean Eren, we've lived on it. We've been fishermen, pirates, merchants…you _have_ seen the ocean…._we _have.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**

Rated T for swearing.

* * *

"Eren, we're going tonight. You got that?"

"But Corporal….."

"No. None of that. We're not putting up with this bullshit any longer than you already have."

"Yes…Corporal…I understand."

Eren takes a step closer and holds onto Levi's hand, trying to suppress his own trembling. Letting out a sigh, Levi stretches out his left arm to stroke Eren's hair, before pulling Eren's head down to rest on his shoulder. Unconsciously, Eren grips Levi's jacket tightly, pulling on it, even though he knows that Levi hates getting his clothes wrinkled.

"Thank you."

"Brats should just shut up and get spoiled."

"Haha, am I still a brat?"

"Of course you are."

No…you're not a brat anymore, Eren. It's been ten years since our first mission, and you've come a long way. You're still green, but you're definitely not a brat. I'm proud of you.

It took me one year to acknowledge that you are _you_, and not the "Eren" I've known. It took me one **more** year to fall in love with _you_, and **another** five years to realise that. I felt that this "life" was devoid of hope when I realised that "Eren" wasn't here, but you proved me wrong. I don't care anymore whether or not you're actually the "Eren" of my past "lives"; I know _you_ now and I love _you _now.

Which is why I'm not just going to sit here and wait while those bastards have their stupid power struggle. They can argue for their own sakes all they want, but Shiganshina is right before our eyes, and the very least you deserve is to find out the truth behind your power by going to your house's basement.

Before your time runs out.

* * *

**Author's Note**

First and foremost, thank you so very very much for reading up to this chapter.

Next, I'm sorry if it's unclear, this chapter takes place ten years after the previous chapter. I haven't decided whether or not the Titans have been exterminated yet, but humans have reclaimed Wall Maria (obviously thanks to Levi and Eren), and there are plans to investigate Eren's house's basement. However, stupid selfish people thinking about stupid selfish things are locked in a stupid selfish power struggle, and continue to argue over stupid selfish matters, therefore Levi and Eren (and others) have been ordered to stand-by for a long time (yes I know it is very vague, but I think you get the point so thank you for understanding). Sick of it all, Levi finally decides that he will sneak out and take Eren to the basement, against orders, to settle things before Eren runs out of time.


	8. Chapter 7

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"**

"Eren! Calm dow-!"

"Nooo **DON'T TOUCH ME** DON' HURT 'E DAD PLEASE PLE' **PLEASE** DON'T DO-"

"**EREN!** CALM DOWN! **It's me!** No one else is here! No one is going to hurt you!"

"Nooooooooo...it hurts...sto..."

"You're okay, Eren. You're okay. You're with me. No one will hurt you."

Levi holds onto him tightly as Eren almost collapses to the ground. Setting him down slowly, Levi also bends down to kneel on the floor next to him. Really, he wants to close the curtain that was concealing the blood stained work bench and hand cuffs, but he has a feeling that he shouldn't leave Eren's side right now.

Eren's trembling hands are flopped weakly at his sides, as he mumbles uncontrollably to himself. Afraid that any longer may mean losing Eren, Levi reaches out and touches his cheek gently, looking into his lifeless eyes. At his touch, Eren twitches a little, and soon tears start flowing as his eyes regain a little focus.

"...….…evi..."

"Hmm?"

"C...C-Cor…poral Levi..."

"Eren..."

Levi notices that Eren's whole body has started shaking, but he simply continues to caress Eren's cheek, ear and neck. After a while Eren lifts his weak arms, and wraps them tightly around Levi's waist while continuing to cry. Levi gently hugs Eren's shoulders and head, and they remain like this for a few minutes.

"Corporal...thank you for bringing me here."

"Did you remember something after coming to your house's basement?"

"Yes...I've regained all my memories."

**_Memories..._**

"What happened?"

"...When I was 4, I got into an accident and was on the verge of dying. In an effort to save me, my father injected me with the blood of a Titan Shifter."

"A Titan Shifter's blood?! How on earth did he..."

"I believe...my father's ancestors were from the clan of Titan Shifters, and when they left, they brought with them blood samples and data about the Titan Shifters. My father studied those in hopes of finding a way to defeat the Titans, but when I was dying, he was so desperate...so he tried to save me using the regenerative powers of a Titan Shifter. It was successful and I survived, but my father was afraid that I would be treated as a monster if my powers were discovered. So he...he..."

"...Did he hurt you?"

As tears start dripping down Eren's face again, he nods in answer to Levi's question.

"...**While crying**. He cut me and burned me, and recorded the effects while apologising to me through tears. He made drugs, gave them to me, and broke my bones to see if the drugs made me seem 'human'. But when I healed within a day, he would hold onto me and cry again."

Levi, who was hugging Eren this whole time, grips his shoulders tightly, before letting go and pushing Eren back to look into his eyes.

"How long?"

"I think...about three months. He finally made a drug that could suppress my powers, and also one to make me forget my memories. Haha...no wonder...the earliest memory I could remember, was of my dad hugging me while trembling...trembling with relief and guilt…"

.

.

"I'd forgotten **so much**..."

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault that you forgot, and it wasn't your fault that your dad had to torment himself by hurting you."

"He loved me."

"Yeah, I'm sure he did."

* * *

**Author's Note**

Thank you for reading all the way up to this chapter!

For anyone this may apply to, if you found Chapter 6 confusing I have added a short and vague description at the end as an Author's Note. Hope it helps.


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's**** Note**

Rated T for swearing

* * *

"Eren, we're right under your room now. Hold onto me, I'm gonna take us up."

Eren nods weakly, and lifts his arms to wrap them around Levi's neck. As he tries to put some strength into his hold, each of his shallow irregular breaths leaves an impression on Levi's aching heart. Using one arm to support Eren's torso, Levi shoots his 3D Maneuver Gear hooks and raises them to the window.

Sitting inside, waiting for them, is Erwin. Unfazed, Levi steps onto the window sill and gestures for Erwin to come help.

"…Commander…?"

Erwin gently places Eren on the bed while Levi goes to pour a glass of water.

"How are you feeling, Eren?"

"I'm okay, Sir. Thank you for your concern. I will be fine once I rest."

Returning with the glass of water, Levi slips his arm under Eren's shoulders and lifts him until he is sitting, bringing the glass to his lips. Levi hands the glass to Erwin after Eren obediently takes a few sips, and starts taking off Eren's thick jacket while efficiently shifting Eren's weight from one arm to the other. Once the jacket is off Levi softly lays Eren down, and pulls the blanket over him. After gazing at Eren for a short while, Levi finally turns to face Erwin.

"Do you want the report now?"

"If you don't mind."

"It's fine. Eren just needs to lie down and rest. Thanks for organising to have the boulder removed from Eren's house, even though you already had shitloads to do while fending off those bastards in the stupid power struggle. Thanks to that, Eren managed to regain his memories. However, from what we could find, there was no useful information that could tell us anything about the Titans. Of course, a more thorough search is necessary, but I had to consider Eren's condition as well."

"I see. Thanks for your hard work. That shouldn't be too big of a problem, considering Titans will soon be exterminated thanks to the both of yours contribution. And about Eren's power?"

"Yeah, this is important so you better listen. Eren is a descendant of the Titan Shifter clan, however he wasn't born with the power. His father used Titan Shifter blood to save his life when he was a kid. We found plenty of research data about this, which is why you **have to** make sure that no one else gets their hands on them. Let Hanji handle it all if possible."

"Hmmm…I see. And the reason Eren's father wanted him to go to the basement was to find this research data?"

"No, Sir." Levi and Erwin turn to Eren, as he pauses to put his thoughts into words. In an effort to speak a little louder, Eren takes a deep breath and continues. "I believe…that my father wanted me to survive no matter what, by using my power. But even after he gave me a drug to stop suppressing my power, he couldn't bring back my memories, so he wanted me to go to the basement. Perhaps he believed that even if I couldn't remember, I would realise something after looking at the data."

"But in the end you activated your power on your own, due to the dire circumstances. Hmm I see."

"Yeah, most probably that's why Eren could access his power but not his complete memories. And that's why he also didn't know about the _price_ of using his power."

"Did you find information about that?!"

"Yeah, in his father's research journal it mentioned that, based on the materials snuck out by his ancestors, someone who gains the power _after_ birth won't have a body that can sustain the power. Because of that….every time the power is used, the body is…pushed to the limit, and will start to break down as time goes on."

Eren looks up at Levi, silently, as Levi stares sadly into the distance. They could both tell, from seeing the desperation reflected in his father's journal, that there was no way to save him anymore. Even if there was, there was no time to find it. Even without asking, Erwin could tell too.

"You both must be tired. You should rest."

"Yeah, about a more detailed report,…"

"No, don't worry about that. At a later date…will be fine…" Erwin glances at Eren, and Eren senses his subtly apologetic tone.

"Commander Erwin! Thank you, so much, for helping me so much…especially behind the scenes. Thanks to you I was able to regain my memories."

"I haven't done anything deserving thanks from you, Eren. I really haven't. So please…"

.

.

"Please, don't thank me…"


	10. Chapter 9

**Author's Note**

Rated T for swearing

* * *

"Are you awake, Eren?"

"Corporal…how long…did I sleep for this time?"

"About 50 hours, I would say. I'll go get water for you to wash up."

"Thank you very much."

.

.

"Oh Levi, are you getting water for Eren?"

"Yeah, did you come to find me, Erwin?"

"Never mind, since Eren just woke up, I'll leave it for later."

"…Did you wanna talk about our next mission?"

"…Yeah. But, I must say, I never would have thought a socially awkward clean freak like you would be so good at taking care of someone."

"Haaah?! Are you picking a fight you bastard?"

"Hahaha, sorry, that wasn't my intention."

"_Sigh_…how long d'you think I've had to stick with him? …I got used to this a long time ago."

"Ever since he started weakening three years ago?"

"Yeah…"

"…I really am sorry, Levi, to do this to the both of you."

"Bloody hell, if you have time to talk about stupid things like that, tell me about the mission already. Were the estimates correct?"

"_Sigh_…Yes, that's right. According to reports, there are an estimated 70 or so Titans left. At the meeting yesterday we finally reached consensus, and agreed to have an all out battle. We've finally secured the path leading to the Great Forest that is South of Shinganshina, so if we bring 90% of our forces there, it will surely lure out the remaining Titans and we can exterminate them once and for all. Our strategy has accounted for you to defeat 15 Titans, and Eren to defeat 10."

"Increase Eren's to 30."

"**What?!** Levi don't be _ridiculous_! Eren is so weak now, there's **no way** that-"

"He may be weak, but he can **still** fight. If he can't do that much, then he's just gonna get in the way."

"**But Levi that's jus-**"

"**If** **he can't even do that much**, then there's no point. There's no point for him to fight."

"…? What…do you mean?"

"I'm sure you realise, Erwin. Eren is _dying_. He's going to die **_either way_**. If he's going to fight, then it better _fucking bring about some decent results_. What's the point being considerate of him and lowering your expectations for him after all this time? Like every one of us, Eren is a soldier. Don't you **dare** mock him by letting his life waste away **without acknowledging the resolution that he's dedicating to our cause**."


	11. Chapter 10

"Eren, wake up Eren."

"Nn…good morning, Corporal Levi."

"Can you sit up?"

"Yes. Thank you very much."

Levi wrings the towel for him, before handing it to Eren who does the rest himself. After washing up, Levi helps Eren to take his sleep wear off, and then to put his uniform and gear on. Eren is actually able to do all this himself, at least after sufficient rest. However, there were too many occasions over the past three years where, after using his power, Eren remained weak for days on end, and Levi had to take care of him. At some point, it just became a routine. Having said that, it was important for Eren to save energy wherever possible, so that he could still fight when he needed to.

They hardly ever talked during this daily routine, but today, an oppressive silence was clearly haunting them both. After all, this was very possibly the last chance for them to spend time together. During today's mission, anything can happen. And even if they both survive, who knows how much longer Eren still has.

"…I'm sorry…"

Levi looks up from fitting Eren's gear. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry…"

"What for?"

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

"Why are you apologising, Eren? If you want to say something then say it. But don't apologise anymore."

"Sorry…I'm sorry I'm s…I'm…s…sorry…"

"**Eren**! Please! What's wrong?"

After staying silent for a while, Eren finally starts speaking again.

"Levi…"

.

.

For the past ten years, Eren has always, **_always_**, called me **_Corporal_**** Levi**. Even after we finally acknowledged our mutual feelings for each other, he continued to call me by my title. Of course, it's definitely not surprising to think that he would want to call me by my name now, when we're about to go to what may be our final battle. But…**_something_**…doesn't feel right.

"Did you just call me Levi?"

_No answer…_

"Are you….no…Eren? Did you…"

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…Levi…"

**_Something_** doesn't feel right…

"Eren…**which** "Eren" are you?"

I can see tears welling up in his eyes. He opens his mouth to apologise again, but I grab his arms and shake him so that he's looking me in the eyes.

"How….how many…years of memories do you have?"

"…All of them. All...81 "lives"."

I stare blankly at him, as tears start streaming down his cheeks.

.

.

"I'm sorry Levi…I'm so so sorry. When you took me to my house's basement one week ago, I already regained all my memories from our past "lives"."

"…Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry…"

**"****WHY?"**

"**I didn't want to take "Eren" away from you!** His memories are inside of me, but "Eren" isn't here anymore. I could tell that you loved him so much…so I wanted to at least act as if "Eren" was still by your side till the end…but…I'm-"

"Don't apologise anymore. Just tell me." Levi moves from the floor to sit next to Eren on the bed. He reaches out to hold Eren's hand, which appears to calm him down a little.

"My father's drug erased all my memories. Even the memories of our previous "lives". So when I finally regained all my memories…I was so confused…but I immediately realised that you deeply loved "Eren" for who he was, and I was just **so afraid** of taking that away from you…but right now, I'm even more afraid. It feels like I just woke up from a long dream, and found myself in this crazy situation…I…"

"Are "you" afraid of fighting?"

"…I…I'm scared of fighting alone. I just want to be by your side, Levi, please. As long as you know that "I" am here, I will fight. **Because you are fighting, "I" will fight too, Levi**. For "Eren's" sake as well."


	12. Chapter 11

"I'm sorry Levi."

"Are you still going on about that? Gosh."

"I'm sorry for taking "Eren" away from you...are you upset?"

"I'm not upset. It's not the first time we've lost a loved one. And unlike "you" and me, who are continuously reincarnated, we never get to meet **other people **again in different "lives". That's how it's always been, so I'm not upset. I'm just…really sad. Sad that…"Eren" left me…**without me even knowing it**."

It's not as if "you" and I were definitely lovers in every "life". We've each had our own families and our own loved ones, who we remember fondly, even after all these millennia…but we will never get to see them again. Regardless of our relationship, regardless of what sort of life we led, only one thing was always absolutely certain; that I would meet "you" in each "life". This was abruptly overturned in this "life", because "Eren" was here, but he wasn't "you". What should have been natural and **absolute** was suddenly taken away from me…And eventually, the only **absolute** thing that I could cling onto, was that I would be by "Eren's" side when he dies on the battlefield. That was all that I could do for him, and that was all that he wanted; to fight for the future and then die in the arms of the one he loves. But, yet again, that has been taken away from me.

Even so, I will fight.

**I will fight**.

Because that's all that us humans can do in this world. Even for "Eren", who possessed such a power, it was all that he could do; fight, fight, and continue to fight. But if this battle can become our last, then that also means the end of this world as we know it, and finally we can stop fighting.

"Let's go eat. You said yesterday that you'd rather eat with everyone today, right?"

"Yeah, I'd feel rude if Levi and I ate in bed even on a day like this."

"Hah? What are you talking about? Unlike in the past, breakfast in bed isn't considered a luxury in this "life"."

"Yeah yeah, I know. But that reminds me, remember when I was a noble's son and you were a hitman? We ate breakfast in bed every day, didn't we?"

"Stop wasting time talking about such silly things. C'mon, lean over so I can move you to the wheelchair."

"Okay, thanks Lev-…"Corporal Levi"."


	13. Chapter 12

**Author's Note**

Rated T for swearing

* * *

**"Corporal! Yeager's movements appear to be slowing down, he should retreat!"**

**"****Focus on your own battle! Take care of the two 7m Classes coming near Eren from behind!"**

**"****Yes Corporal!"**

**"****Corporal! I agree with Jonathan that we should have Yeager retreat!"**

**"****Shut up! I said to focus on your own battle!"**

**"****But Yeager is-"**

**"****This is an ****ALL OUT**** battle, you understand, Carl?"**

_Dammit…_

**"****Yes Corporal…"**

_Dammit all…_

**"****Concentrate our forces in the centre! Heath and Anna go and lure the 15m Classes towards Eren!"**

_Dammit dammit dammit…_

**"****Corporal! Yeager has fallen! We have to save him before more Titans reach him!"**

**"****We can take care of these Titans, Corporal, please go save Yeager!"**

**"****Carl, let's go lure those Titans away from Yeager!"**

**"****LEAVE HIM!****"**

**"****But Corporal!"**

**"****You should all understand what it means to be a soldier. Go and wipe out those Titans gathering around Eren. Do not think of saving him."**

_Dammit all! Eren…I…_

**"****With all due respect, if I can't save him then I'll protect him, Corporal!"**

_NO! You'll die!_

**"****He's getting up! Yeager is getting up!"**

**"****Can he still fight?!"**

**"****But he's already defeated at least ten Titans!"**

**"****Fight Yeager! Fight!"**

_Fight Eren…fight so that I can still see you for one last time after all this!_

_._

_._

After defeating an estimated 40 Titans, Eren once again collapses to the ground. The few remaining soldiers form a circle around his Titan body, and fight the Titans as they are lured over from all directions by Eren's flesh. Despite the reliable formation, soldiers are clearly being pressured after four hours of fighting. Just as all hope seems lost, Erwin arrives with his team, who had been separated from us because of a group of Abnormal Titans. With their added manpower, finally, the last Titan is slain.

.

.

"Eren…"

I call out to him, even though I can't even sense a breath. I managed to drag him out of his Titan form without injuring him, but it is clear that he has blunt injuries and internal bleeding from the battle. His heart is still beating, barely, but he's not healing anymore.

"Eren…it's over…we're free now."

I don't even know which "Eren" I'm calling out to anymore. I just know that I want him to open his eyes, to know that **freedom** is within this world's grasp. To know that he helped them grasp it.

"…Eren…" I was looking down at his face this whole time, but, losing hope, I pull his limp body up to hug him.

"...evi…"

"EREN!" Almost dropping him out of joy, I pull his body back again to look into his weak, clouded eyes.

"…Corporal Levi…"

Shocked, I stare at him blankly for a second.

"Are you…Eren?"

"…Yes…Corporal…Eren Yeager, only 25 years of memories, reporting…for duty…"

"Eren!" I pull him in again, into a tight hug, even though I should be handling his body carefully. My eyes are hot, and soon my vision is blurred.

"…Corporal…its…good to see you. I'm so glad you're…alive….gla…that I…protected you…"

"So were you the one fighting?"

"…No, at first it was the "Eren" of your past "lives" fighting. But "he"….died. The "Eren" with 81 "lives'" worth of memories…died, but…"I"…"my" memories…still wanted to fight. So I got up again and kept…fighting…Corporal…"

"Yes?"

"…I'm sorry…for taking "Eren" away from you. I…don't really get it, but I could see "Eren's" memories…You were looking…for "him" in this "life", weren't you? ...But "he" wasn't…here…"

"Eren, it's okay. I'm glad that I could meet **_you_**. Did I ever tell you? **I love you, Eren. ****_I love you_**."

"…Haha…even though you've tol me…so many times…befo… I'm sti… so happy, Corpo….thank you….thank…"

"No Eren, I should be thanking you. _Thank you_ for fighting with me till the end, and _thank you_…**for coming to see me one last time**."

"…It's…not…last time. My mem…ories are…insid of "Eren"…so in your nex "life"…even…whe you…can't see…me…I…be…"

"You're right Eren, even when I don't see you, you'll always be with me, won't you. Thank you, Eren."

.

.

"Good night, Eren."

.

.

-_owari_-

* * *

**Author's Note**

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand its finally finished. omg. why. did. this. become. so. long! And I can't believe it has so many views aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH FOR READING ALL OF THIS! And THANK YOU to those who so very kindly reviewed and favourited; it really motivated me to properly write the story. I really hope that you found this story interesting.

I have, for some unfathomable reason, poured my heart out into a super duper long Author's Note. It was also partly written for my own future reference, but if you can be bothered do feel free to read on.

I am painfully aware of how poorly written this fan fiction is. Firstly, the TENSE. I must apologise for the horrible use of tense in this whole story, and especially from Chapter 2 - 5. To be honest, I was just so desperate to get my ideas onto the page that I didn't have time to be thinking about tense. But once the ideas were on the page, I just really couldn't be bothered correcting it anymore...I'm so sorry m(_ _)m

Second, somewhere along the line things just went way off track. Wait, did I say "along the line"? No I meant that there was probably never a track to begin with. Same as above, I was so desperate to get my ideas down, that there is almost no correlation between each of the chapters, both in terms of style and content. Not to mention that the characters are probably very OOC (especially Hanji, I felt). Doubly sorry m(_ _)m m(_ _)m

An important thing I forgot to mention is that I have not read the manga! This is allll purely my imagination (delusion, to be more accurate). Therefore! Even when you spot the many inconsistencies with canon, please just turn a blind eye.

And finally I must apologise for how confusing this whole story is. With my limited literary and imaginative ability, I tried my best to convey the idea of there being "past lives" and "this life" and "Eren with 4000 years of memories" and "Eren with only 25 years of memories (technically 21, since his father erased his childhood memories along with his traumatic memories)"...I mean, at first it's all from Levi's POV and then time skip! suddenly Eren is dying and suddenly Eren is not Eren but actually Eren but then he's Eren again...Honestly, thank you so much for reading the whole story.

Some things that I didn't really manage to convey in the story itself, include, that even though Levi and Eren have memories from all their previous "lives", they essentially grow up and live as their own selves every "life"; in other words they often have different personalities or values from their previous "lives" (though, in almost every life, they are told by people around them that they are mature for their age). While Levi did say "in most ["lives"] we were lovers", it's not as if they always had romantic feelings for each other. They generally went along with the natural flow of that "life", and if they did become lovers then okay, but if they found others to love then that makes them happy too. The only thing they volitionally tried to manipulate, was their "game", where in some "lives" they would pretend they really were meeting for the first time (hey if they live 4000 years they have to find _some_ sort of entertainment).

Eren and Levi have never met anyone else who was reincarnated. Even though they meet each other every "life", they have never met someone from a previous "life" in a different "life" before. This is a major part of the reason why they can grow up following the 'natural flow of that "life"', because each person they encounter is unique to _that "_life" and _that_ moment, and therefore precious.

Having said all that, Levi and Eren still value their past "lives" as much as their present ones. Even though they definitely have a strong feeling of existing in their present "life", they look back fondly on their past "lives" in a similar way to how one reminisces about their youth. When I wrote the first few chapters, I included a lot of Levi reminiscing about their past "lives", which was initially just to satiate my delusional needs, but looking back on it, it shows how much Levi relates to the past at the same time as living in the present.

At this point, please allow me to reiterate: these are my delusions.

Eren...poor poor Eren...suffering so much at a young age, then discovering his weird power and being burdened with the expectations that come with being "Humanity's Hope" at the tender age of 15. For his first years as part of the Recon Corps he would've been isolated as a monster, but due to him gaining control over his powers and contributing greatly during Recon Missions, he gradually earns the trust and friendship of his comrades over the years. When he was in his best condition, he could kill up to 60 Titans at a time. However he was still vulnerable in certain ways, so Levi was required to be near by to support him, in order to achieve the best results. Their combined power was unprecedented for Recon Corps, but even so there were still many many losses every mission. Thanks to their contribution and the thousands of sacrifices, after seven years humanity seems to finally have freedom within its reach.

However, around the same time it becomes apparent that Eren's human body is suffering from using his power so much. Actually, the symptoms have been around for a year already, but because there are no changes to his performance as a Titan, no one really realised until it became obvious. Around this time is when Levi finally realises that he is deeply in love with _this_ Eren, and not confusing him with _that_ Eren or anything like that. Well it's only going to be more painful for him, because he only just realised his own feelings but he has to watch Eren suffer as he slowly becomes weaker and weaker, because Eren's power is necessary for humankind to attain the freedom that they've both been dreaming of.

Even though Eren's human body is weakening, his Titan form and Titan powers function as normal. He can still transform into a Titan and fight, and clearly has a lot more vitality in his Titan form than when in his human form. However it is clear that even his Titan form is weakening, and the main reason is most likely that assuming the Titan form and using his Titan powers is taxing on his vitality as a human. Therefore the weaker his human form is, the less energy can be transmitted to his Titan form. But as he fights as a Titan, his human vitality decreases. And thus the horrible cycle is repeated. In the anime, Eren becomes weak for a short while after assuming his Titan form. But now that his condition has dropped so much, sometimes he would remain weak for a few weeks after fighting in his Titan form. He becomes unable to move himself, or he becomes ill easily, he also becomes injured a lot more easily (this quickly heals because of his Titan powers, but that in turn only worsens his condition). Near the end he even finds breathing difficult. Generally he can recover his energy quite easily; simply by staying still and resting. However as the years went on, the time he needed to recover increased dramatically, and he would sleep for days at a time. After finally regaining some vitality he would quickly lose it again after doing something, and become unable to assume his Titan form. So eventually it was decided that someone would have to take care of all of Eren's needs, so that he could preserve his energy to fight when necessary. Even if he felt that he could walk, they would carry him or use a wheelchair when possible.

So why didn't Eren just stop using his power? Because he chose not to. He is a soldier, and every soldier fights putting their life on the line. No soldier is allowed to pull out of a fight if they haven't used everything at their disposal (I'd like to think this is one of the aspects Levi fell in love with). Especially if Eren's power can evidently speed up the process, then he has the responsibility to see it through.

Eren's condition was the reason that exterminating the Titans was put off for so long after reclaiming Wall Maria, and also the reason that the All Out Battle was executed. As for why exterminating the Titans was put off, it was (a) stupid people fighting over what to do with Eren's basement (instead of thinking about finishing off Titans), and (b) Erwin was reluctant to send Eren to more battles, but he knew how much of a difference it would make if Eren didn't fight. Eventually, Hanji predicted that Eren really didn't have long to live (I like to think that she feels especially bad about not noticing his declining condition earlier), and reports indicated that the remaining Titans were exterminatable. These led to Erwin finally making the decision to have an All Out Battle, using Eren's power one last time (remaining Titans not so exterminatable without Eren's help).

Right before the battle, Levi finds out that "Eren" is actually a different "Eren". But the way that I perceive this is not that there are two 'souls' or anything like that, it is more like there is a consciousness called "Eren" that is brought about by certain memories, and a _different _consciousness called "Eren" that is brought about by _different_ memories...(I hope that makes sense). When fighting the Titans in their final battle, one "Eren's" consciousness was defeated, and accepted their death. But the other "Eren" had much more vivid memories of this world, and the consciousness decided that they would not accept death yet, and didn't die. But I reiterate, at least my perception of this when I wrote this story, was not that there are two souls called Eren. Therefore, when Eren and Levi say that they will be by each other's side in the next "life", it is actually more close to when at a funeral, someone says "live on forever in our hearts".

As for their next "life", I would like to think that they won't play their "game", because they were both so starved of the other's love in this "life". Of course Levi will still love the "Eren" from this "life", and hold him dear, but a whole new "life" is a whole new "world", so Levi has to move on and live his own life. But I'm sure that he will always remember that the freedom and happiness he enjoys in all the "lives" to come are thanks to "Eren", while reminiscing about the good times he spent with his love. I'm also sure, that Levi and Eren will resume their "game" soon, in their future "lives".

So...THANK YOU SO SO MUCH for reading allllllllll of this! I am indescribably grateful. I really hope that my story and long ass 'note' has been interesting, and has entertained you. And lastly, feel free to ignore any part of the story or note that I've written and apply your own interpretation to the story! That's part of the fun of reading.


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